That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
