I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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