all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
