brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
