Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
