I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I feel like abortions should bother me more
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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