You're so nebulous sometimes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
