Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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