he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
