i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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