I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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