I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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