I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
