i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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