Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
