I'm so fucking centered right now
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i've created a new STD.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
