How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
