also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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