but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize