yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
