So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
