hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
