watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
