Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
