I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
