I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
