You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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