Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Randomize
