We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
