Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just want nice things and good sex
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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