Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
