i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
