best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
