just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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