walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
