I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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