p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
