I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
