Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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