i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
