I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
