what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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