my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize