The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
