some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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