Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
