I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
