We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
