maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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