This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
