Your mouth is God's brothel.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Randomize