Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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