i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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