If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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