I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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