The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
