Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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