Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize