New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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