that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
