i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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