No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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