But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize