I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize