i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
