I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize