NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
