Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
