I think I just saw someone hide a body.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
