he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
