dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
