At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
