But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
