sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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