Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
