I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize