WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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