he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
