i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
