I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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