Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
