did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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