I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Blood and glitter go together right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
