nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
