you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
