He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
