I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize