my phone needs a breathalizer
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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