Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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