Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
