Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Randomize
