dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize