I look better un-naked...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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