She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
