I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
